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The Four Horsemen of
Relational Destruction
by Bill Allison
"Why is it that you talk to me in ways that you wouldn't dream
of talking to other people?"
Those were the words of my wife. She was angry. And she was right.
I wasn't verbally brutalizing her. I was more subtle--and maybe
even more damaging--than that.
Relationship expert John Gottman only needs a few minutes of observing
a couple in conversation to accurately predict whether or not that
marriage will go the distance. The accuracy of his predictions are
legendary.
What is Gottman looking for that gives him the clues as to whether
a marriage will make it or not? According to Gottman, there are
four horsemen of relational destruction:
1. Defensiveness
2. Stonewalling
3. Criticism
4. Contempt
However, Gottman believes that--of the four--the single most important
sign that a relationship is in deep trouble is contempt.
Signs of contempt often show up in the little interactions of life:
tone of voice or even slight facial expressions like the rolling
of the eyes. Such little things communicate very important and powerful
messages about how we really think and feel about others.
The little things, as it turns out, are not so little. They are
pivotal. Indeed, the Bible--God's ultimate relationship instruction
book--repeatedly emphasizes the importance of honoring others.
So, how can you honor the most important person in your life in
the "little things" today?
You may need to start where I did: by weeping, asking for forgiveness,
and learning to remind yourself often how much you value the people
closest to you--especially your spouse.
Where honor thrives, contempt has no oxygen.
Need some practical help in putting honor back into your
relationships? http://www.cadreministries.com/store/books.html#1another
Women's ministry special:
http://www.cadreministries.com/store/books.html#1wanother
To share these free Christmas gifts with others:
 Tell
your friends about this issue!
A True Measure of a Man's Success
by Bill Allison
 If
you really want to measure the true worth of a man's success, all
you need to do is observe the countenance of his wife.
Sobering statement... isn't it?
If, as you look at the countenance of your wife, you are not pleased
about what it says about the true worth of your success and effectiveness,
then consider how you might apply the following words from Lysa
TerKeurst:
"All women desire to be valued. Your wife is constantly
reading the unspoken cues you give off as to whether or not you
cherish her, treasure her, and value her. The total of these cues
equals whether or not she feels loved. If she senses you value
her as a person, not for what she does but for who she is, she'll
feel affirmed and fulfilled in her role as your wife. If she feels
taken for granted, ignored, and devestated, she'll start to build
walls to keep you out and protect herself from getting hurt. The
danger is that other people may be telling her the things she
longs to hear from you. Every time someone else tells her she's
beautiful, smart, talented, witty, etc., she mentally weighs the
comments of others against your cues. Make sure the heart of your
princess is only drawn to you." (From the book, Capture
Her Heart)
Take a good look at your wife's countenance.
What is her countenance telling you about... you?
Need practical help prioritizing your most important relationships?
http://www.cadreministries.com/store/books.html#time
Amazing
Time Management Secret #10:
Everything is Not a Priority
The word “priorities” is losing its power because somehow
EVERYTHING is a priority these days.
But is everything really a priority?
Think with me for a moment:
If everything is a priority, then nothing is a priority.
If everything is important—then nothing is important.
“Twelve priorities” is an oxymoron—like jumbo
shrimp or Microsoft Works.
It's an undiscerning mind that believes everything is a priority.
Some "plates" are just more important.
Just a thought.
BA
PS. For further study about which priority plates are worth spinning
and which ones you should allow to fall to the ground to break into
a hundred tiny pieces, you may want to refer to these words of insight:
* Proverbs 24:27
* Matthew 6:33
For more free, amazing, brief, thought-provoking, funny,
interactive, and ironic time management secrets you can share with
your friends:
http://amazingtimemanagementsecrets.blogspot.com
The Best Coffee I've
Ever Had
by Bill Allison
They even have a Cadre blend!
This is how your ministry works without training....
This is how your ministry works with Cadre training....
Cadre Training Festival
in Midland, Michigan!
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March 18, 2006
8:30-12:30
Midland Evangelical Free Church in Midland, MI |
For more details and to register:
http://www.cadreinternational.com/training/festival.php
See
Photo Gallery from September 05's Training Festival >>
Cadre Training...
Mark Your Calendars NOW!
* Rockford Illinois Area, Saturday, 2/4/06
Evangelism Is Relationships!
http://cadreinternational.com/training/evangelism.php
First Baptist Church, Byron, IL, 8:30-12:30
For more information, contact: byronbaptist@rockfordradio.com
* Chicago Illinois Area, Saturday, 2/11/06
Time Management for Painfully Pooped-Out People workshop
http://www.cadreinternational.com/training/pooped.php
9 AM to 1 PM
Come all ye who are pooped out and learn to apply ten biblical principles
for taking control or your life and time! For more info or to register
bill@cadreministries.com
* Central Illinois Area, Sunday 2/12/06
Creating a Culture of Training in Your Church/Ministry
http://www.cadreinternational.com/training/culture.php
Peoria/Chillicothe IL. 12 noon to 2 PM.
For volunteer and vocational church leaders.
Hosted by Chillicothe Christian Church. Contact rustyrccc@yahoo.com
for more info.
* Central Illinois Area, Friday & Saturday, 2/17-18/06
Equip Ministries Conference at the Peoria IL Civic Center
http://www.equipconvention.org
Six FREE training sessions presented by Bill Allison of Cadre Ministries
and a cadre of friends
Youth Ministry for Volunteers. You're never "just a volunteer"
when you work in youth ministry! About 90 percent of churches don't
have a paid youth pastor. If it weren't for volunteers, youth ministry
in the regular church wouldn't happen! This training track is your
chance to have your heart encouraged and your hands equipped with
practical tools that you can use to take your volunteer youth ministry
to a new level of effectiveness.
Friday
Equip Sessions:
Why Youth Ministry Is Worth Your Time, Money, and Energy
By volunteering in youth ministry, you can literally change the
world! The purpose of this session is to encourage you be reminding
you that when you volunteer in youth ministry, you're serving
in the most strategic mission field in America.
You Can Recruit a Team of Adults to Help
You in Youth Ministry
How can you get a few more adults from your church to help you
in youth ministry? When you leave this session, you will have
a plan and the tools to recruit others into your youth ministry.
 Saturday
Equip Sessions:
Your First and Most Important Job as a Volunteer Youth
Leader
What's the most important thing you can do as a volunteer youth
leader? You might be surprised at what you find out in this workshop.
Come to learn by participating and having fun.
How to NOT Be a Boring Teacher
It's time to take your teaching cues from the greatest teacher
who ever graced the planet--JESUS! Come to explore, discover,
and apply The Teaching Genius of Jesus to your life and ministry
as a volunteer youth leader. Bring your Bible!
Relationships: The Glue of Youth Ministry
This session is NOT for the faint of heart. This out of the box
learning activity will show you why building relationships with
students is essential if you want to impact them for Christ. Come
to participate... not spectate.
Quit Entertaining Students and Start
Training Them to Do Ministry
Do you simply entertain students with your program--or do you
develop and train them to become disciples? How can you move your
youth ministry away from making students happy to making students
disciples? This session is for you.
* Central Indiana Area, Saturday, 2/25/06
Becoming a High Impact Teacher
http://www.cadreinternational.com/training/bahit.php
Antioch Church, Frankfort, IN
8:30 AM to 12:30 PM. For youth leaders, small group shepherds, and
Sunday school teachers.
For more details bill@cadreministries.com
* Chicago Area, Saturday, 3/11/06
Kid U for Children's Ministry Workers
http://www.kidology.org/training/kidu/2006/chicago
Barrington, IL
Cadre workshops at this conference are:
1. Your First and Most Important Job as
a Volunteer in Children's Ministry!
2. Training Really Does Make All the Difference!
3. Why Volunteers Hate Meetings and What You Can Do About It!
4. You Can Recruit Excellent Volunteers Into Your Children's Ministry!
* Cadre Training Festival, Saturday, 3/18/06
Midland, Michigan
http://www.cadreinternational.com/training/festival.php
* Bismarck, North Dakota Area, Saturday, 3/25/06
Time Management for Painfully Pooped-Out People workshop
http://www.cadreinternational.com/training/pooped.php
Come all ye who are pooped out and learn to apply ten biblical principles
for taking control or your life and time! For more info bill@cadreministries.com
* Central Wisconsin Area, Saturday, 4/8/06
Time Management for Painfully Pooped-Out People workshop
http://www.cadreinternational.com/training/pooped.php
Peace Lutheran Church, Oshkosh, WI, 8:30 to 12:30
Come all ye who are pooped out and learn to apply ten biblical principles
for taking control or your life and time! For more info bill@cadreministries.com
The Best Ministry Band for Students
I've Ever Seen!
www.gloministries.com
FREE Practical Help for Those
Who Work with Junior High Students
http://www.cadreinternational.com/batteries
More trange But True Allison
Family Story
Read it now:
http://allisonfamilystories.blogspot.com
 Brand New: MORE E-mail From Hell
http://www.cadreministries.com/store/books.html#email2
Cadre: We're guilty of inciting a volunteer
TRAINING revolution in the church!
Cadre is a not-for-profit ministry [501(c)(3)] that exists
to assist local churches in becoming the greatest volunteer training
organizations in the world. We're asking God to give us 5,000 non-staff
trainers who are obsessed with Ephesians 4:11-12! To pursue certification
to take Cadre training to your church, contact info@cadreministries.com.
Cadre staff serve as support-based, God-dependent missionaries
to come alongside volunteers and those who care for volunteers in
the church to help accomplish their God-given mission.
We provide FREE monthly online training for volunteers in the
church (Cadre Connection), for volunteer Jr. High Youthworkers (Batteries
Included), and for Student Leaders (Spiritual Caffeine). Visit www.cadreministries.com
to preview our recent free training or to sign up to receive training
in your email-box monthly.
For more information about bringing a certified Cadre trainer
to coach and train the volunteer teachers, leaders, and youth workers
in your church, contact info@cadreministries.com
For Cadre training resources visit http://www.cadreministries.com/store
All other tax deductible donations can be sent to:
Cadre Ministries
PO Box 278
Sycamore, IL 60178
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